as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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