I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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