Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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