There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
