If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
