I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
