Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
