u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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