I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
