Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
