eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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