last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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