at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
