...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
