If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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