so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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