she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
