oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it because I queefed?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
