I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
