he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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