Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
