We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
