Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Gay?
German.
Pity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
