ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
