wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
