she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
