The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
