I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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