Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
