What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
