you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
