What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
