It's Friday. Sex?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
