Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
