dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
