haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
