What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
