ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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