I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
