using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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