my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
