Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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