I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
