there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
