did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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