your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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