I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was CRYING into my vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
