I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
