Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
