Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
smell my finger.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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