oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
