that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
