I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
